YAYAPOPS!

Ever feel rejected? Well I have, plenty of times but those were the years. My adolescence years to be precise where things were just flowers and bees. I miss those years of running after boys I liked. Acting quite ditsy around them sometimes. Just staring at them afar hoping they'll notice me.

And I feel it's happening again this time around. Minus the whole acting ditsy of course because I know how old I am. If people know me then they will know how hard it is for me to tell the boy I have the hots for how I feel. As I said it's happening and I have no idea how to like tell this boy. It's hard for me! I mean I am an approachable person and once people know me I'm a very cheerful person. I get close to people really easily and I get acquainted to them quite easily too. When it comes to this guy, I feel helpless. I can't speak properly to him, I start to act weird around him. Or even worse sometimes I totally ignore him. We know each other because well we are I suppose friends. There are times where we'd exchange greetings but most of them I just plain totally ignore him. Very the opposite right?

I guess I'm just afraid of rejection. And the whole 'what ifs' keep on playing in my head.

Been thinking about the father lately. I guess I just really really miss him at moments like these. I just simply miss presence and his stupid jokes sometimes. He rarely makes jokes but when he does.. they're just plain stupid. I think I have inherited some of his personality. We are very quiet people around people we don't know. Images of JPMC especially the week before he passed, I'd push his wheelchair to the common ward so he'd get his antibiotic injected into his body. I'd push him like how I'd push a supermarket trolley and he didn't make a fuss out of it. I think during the three weeks were the closest I've ever felt to him. He was the only male role model I ever had. And now I have no one! I feel lonely...

I really do...

I miss you...